Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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