I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
