operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
