I smell stomach acid.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
