Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
