The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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