Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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