i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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