I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
