The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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