she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm always down for nudity.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
