So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
