Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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