M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
