I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
