Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
