Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
