He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i was born a porn star she said
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
