Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
