it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Farmville is her only friend.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
