There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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