I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
