so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
