I think I died a long time ago.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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