Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
