my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
