I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
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