nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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