Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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