he thought i was a dude.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
