Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
