Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
