I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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