Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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