I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
