did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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