How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I need water and some morals
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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