We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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