u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
