Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
