just tell him i said nine months
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
