Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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