Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
