You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
