using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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