i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
