its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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