I molested 6 butterflies tonight
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
