I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
