your room smells of hookers.
And success
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
