I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
