I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
