so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
