why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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