my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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