oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
